In Their Own Words...Continued...

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The last blog, In Their Own Words, we heard from a few people who had lost loved ones when they were young. I wanted to share with you one more story of a young girl who lost her father when she was 14 years old. I asked her to answer a few questions...her answers are as follows. I hope it gives you a glimpse into how a teenager may feel... Can you tell me a few things that were helpful in looking back when you lost your father?

"Getting back to my normal routine was probably the most helpful. When my father died it was the middle of summer before I went into High School, so it was already full of changes. Everyone wanted to be so watchful over my behaviors and attitudes, but I just want to move on. Sure, I had my grieving time and still do, but I’ve always been a doer so I wanted to get back to playing softball on my travel team and hang out with friends, which was most important to me at the time. Perhaps this getting back to normal was actually a way to pre-occupy my mind."

Was there anything that people said or did that was NOT helpful?

"Without a doubt I hated when people would say, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through.” Even though I would shake my head and say “Thank you.” All I wanted to do was scream, “NO YOU DON’T!” Since I was at the beginning of my teenage years, I suppose I also had a lot of attitude, I also didn’t like people to “baby” me about the situation. I wanted people to speak to me like an adult, tell me the facts about what and how the accident happened. Because of the circumstances of my father’s death, I felt like I was always being talked about when I was around my peer’s parents. Like they would whisper, “Oh, that’s the girl…” I don’t like being the center of attention, so even if I wasn’t really being whispered about it always gave me anxiety that they were."

What would you say kids need when grieving?

"I stayed with my father's family after the accident and found this opportunity to stay with them was very beneficial. Probably because I never spoke to a grief counselor or any other type of counselor about my situation. I found it as a way to be with others going through the grieving process together.  I think doing an activity that reminds one of the person they lost can help with the grieving process. Or even today when I do an activity I might have once done with my father, I think of him always."

Every child and teen grieves differently, but I hope these last two blogs have given us a glimpse into how they may feel after the loss of a loved one.

 

Going The Distance

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Have you ever gone on a long hike where you became so fatigued that you thought your legs and feet wouldn't carry you any further? When I was a Girl Scout, I needed to take a long walk to earn a hiking badge. My friend and I set out for a seven mile roundtrip hike to a favorite ice cream restaurant. We were really tired when we arrived at the ice cream place. It was discouraging because...

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In Their Own Words...

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The last two C2H2 blogs have been focused on development and how grieving children may respond to death and some practical ways adults can support them. I thought it would be interesting to interview a few adults who have had a loved one die when they were young. So, for the next two blogs I will be sharing what they had to say...in their own words... "The main thing I remember is being told how to mourn. My grandfather died after a four year battle with cancer and even though we had plenty of time to say goodbye, it was still sad. My grandmother was of course exhausted from taking care of him and I guess pretty much out of tears by the time he died. She told us we weren't allowed to cry at her house, during the memorial service, anywhere. The ten cousins, to obey, tried to keep things light hearted then would get scolded by our grandmother for not being serious enough. It was very confusing. Kids need to be able to express themselves....guided and monitored, but we can't be told how to express ourselves or we will never feel comfortable or really know how to handle grief the next time it comes."

- Jennifer's grandfather died when she was 15 years old

"Parents should know its okay to talk about the person that died and share memories. Allow kids to talk about things when they are ready. Also, during different times of our lives will bring up different pieces of grief."

- Katie's brother died when she was 10 years old

"Recognize that a child may try to take on the role of the second parent and that the parent has to assure them that they can handle things and for the child to not worry about the adult things."

- Amy's father died when she was 9 years old

As adults walking alongside children who are grieving we strive to support them to the best of our ability. With God's presence, love and guidance He provides what we need. He is with us.

Pray With A Clear Mind

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The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear-minded and self-controlled so you can pray. 1 Peter 4:7

Recently as I was preparing to share some verses on prayer with our staff, I came across 1 Peter 4:7. It was a stark reminder that we need to be of sound mind, sober, calm and collected so we can pray.

The first part of this verse reminds us that we are to be aware that the end of all things is near. There should be an urgency to our prayers. Keeping our focus where it belongs - not on what is happening around us as much as on the Sovereign One.

What does it mean to pray with a clear mind?

When I think of praying with a clear mind, it reminds me of the innocence of children's prayers. They are so direct in their petitions, asking God questions without pretense!

Here are a few examples from a site called sermon illustrations:

Dear God: Who did you make smarter? Boys or girls? My sister and I want to know. Jimmy, 6

Dear God: How many angels are there in heaven? I would like to be the first kid in my class to know the answer. Norma, 8

Dear God: Please help me is school. I need help in spelling, adding, history, geography and writing. I don't need help in anything else. Lois, 9

Dear God: Do you have any helpers in Heaven? I would like to be one of Your helpers in Heaven when I have summer vacation. Natalie, 7

Being clear-minded also reminds me of coming before the throne with respect and reverence for our Heavenly Father. He is the one we can rest in and bring our every concern to no matter how great or small it may be.

The next time you enter into His throne room, may your approach be with a clear mind and an open heart to receive His love and blessings!

 

Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus

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 ..."I will put my trust in him." (Heb. 2:13)

'Tis So Sweet to Trust In Jesus--just to take Him at His word.  . . .  The words and melody of this old familiar hymn (words by Louisa R. Stead and music by William J. Kirkpatrick) have been running through my mind in recent days. We soon will celebrate Mother's Day, a day when I always pause to thank God for my wonderful godly mother. A very poignant memory for me is of my mother's voice, weak from a long debilitating illness and within a few days of her Homegoing, singing this hymn. She trusted Him for her salvation from sin into eternal life, in the "ups and downs" of her daily living, and in the valley of the shadow of death.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:7

... I trust in the steadfast love of God forever and ever. Psalm 52:8

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Psalm 62:8

Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD God is an everlasting rock. Isaiah 26:4

Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the voice of his servant? Let him who walks in darkness and has no light trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. Isaiah 50:10

Where ever you are in your life, whatever challenges and trials you may be facing, whatever celebrations you may be experiencing, our God is great, and worthy of your trust.