National Grieving Children's Awareness Day

Today, November 21st, is National Grieving Children’s Awareness Day. 1 in 7 young people will lose a parent or sibling by the age of 20. Here is a little history about how today came to be... Children's Grief Awareness Day began in Pennsylvania in 2008. In just five years, thousands of schools, businesses and organizations, along with local, state and national leaders from across the U.S. all have worked in many ways to raise awareness of grieving children and to change the culture in schools and communities by making death and grief an "OK" topic.

Here are five ways you can support grieving children and teens:

1.) Today’s awareness day is one week before Thanksgiving as a reminder that for grieving children and teens the Holiday season can be a very difficult time for them. You can offer your listening ear, pray with them, share memories or simply be there for a grieving child or teen, especially during this season when they are missing their loved one.

2.) Write a note to a young person who has had a loss in their life or to someone you know who had a loss years ago when they were a child or teen. Let them know you are praying for them.

3.) Pray for the parent(s) of grieving children and teens. They are hurting deeply and can sometimes lose sight of taking care of themselves during grief. Pray that they feel God’s presence and great love surrounding them as they  take care of  themselves and their children.

4.) If you know of a grieving child or teen, and you would like more information on how C2H2 can support them, click here to contact Michelle.

5.) Pray for C2H2. Pray that this ministry will provide hope for hurting children, teens and their families.

In a world with so much hurt, I am thankful that we have a God who provides healing and hope.

The Great Comforter

One of my favorite devotionals is “Jesus Calling” by  Sarah Young.  It always seems to speak to me, I’m pretty sure it is because the author writes in the first person as if Jesus is speaking directly to the reader. Today’s devotional reads...

"Look to Me Continually for help, comfort and companionship. I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My Presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.

When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in My arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.

My constant Companionship is the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift."

Psalm 34:4-6, Psalm 105:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Through the losses in my own life God has done just that, He’s been there, He’s comforted. And now by staying connected to Him, He allows me to be a channel of love and comfort to others who are hurting.

Depending on where we are in our grief, we may be at a place where God can use us and our experiences to comfort others and lead them to the Great Comforter. Take a few minutes today and think if there is anyone who may benefit from this comfort. This is why BASIS and C2H2 exist, to support parents who have lost a child as well as to support grieving children and teens. Share our website, invite them to a support group or take a few minutes to pray for them.

Father, lead us to who needs Your love and comfort. Allow us to be a channel of You.

Grief and Brokenness

A quote from Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright says:

In a sense grieving is a show of faith. We are trusting God to hold us in our most vulnerable time, when our feelings are raw, our life is in pieces, and our strength is gone.

An example of grief is a broken clay pot. If you take it outside and drop it or take a hammer to this clay pot, it will break into several pieces. Then take a marker and on some of the inside pieces write what your grief feels like (pain, a broken heart.) And then on the outside pieces write some of the things that support you and what is helpful in your grief (friends who listen.)

Then reassemble the pot with glue. While doing so, use this time to talk with God. Ask for His presence. Tell Him how you feel on the inside. Tell Him the pain you have. He wants to hear from you. He wants to meet with you in the brokenness. As you glue the pieces that have things on them that support you thank God for those things, the people that hold you as you cry and listen while you express your anger.

As you complete the pot remember that God is the original Potter and that He wants His name to be written somewhere on one of the outside pieces. He wants to support you, to be the glue that holds together the brokenness.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

This activity can be done individually and also as a family with school aged children.

Legacy

Legacy is a word that holds a lot of meaning. When a loved one dies, I believe we still learn from our loved one’s legacy. We learn to never give up on something we believe in, we learn more about suffering and we learn to live in the moment.

A few weeks ago at the BASIS picnic Don and Iris showed us the trees they plant every year in honor of their daughter Crystal’s legacy. I loved walking around their yard learning more about Crystal and what a lovely daughter, mother, wife and softball player she was. There were two paintings of a pair of softball cleats in their living room. One was done by Crystal and one was done by her daughter, Robin. Crystal’s legacy lives on through her children, Robin who is now in college and Jeff who is in high school. The tress are symbolic reminders of her life which was well lived. As I was thinking about the  symbolism of the trees, I remembered a song by Justin Rizzo, the lyrics include, “I want to be like a tree planted by the streams of living water...”

I imagine the lyrics come from Jeremiah 17:8 which reads...

They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

I loved the symbolism a tree can represent in our own lives. God often uses our “drought” seasons to mold us and then He turns them into seasons that bear fruit. This is a perfect example of what the Lord is doing through Don and Iris. He using their testimony to walk alongside others who have lost a child.

As C2H2 evolves it is my desire to explore the idea of legacy with children and teens and encourage them to find their own ways of honoring their loved one’s legacy because legacies live on beyond us to impact the world with the Lord's love and compassion. God can turn our darkest seasons into something He can use to help others. That is why our God is always good.

I would love to hear how you honor your loved one’s legacy and how you have seen God's fruit during "drought" seasons? Please share below.

Some suggestions of things not to say to a grieving child or teen...

“You’re the man of the house now. Be strong for your Mom and sister.” Often times we add extra pressure to kids and teens without even realizing it. We need to remember that boys are NOT adults and that they need to grieve in their own way without the pressure of trying to stay strong and take care of their family. “I know how you feel.” Even if you have had a loved one die, everyone grieves uniquely and no two people have the exact same feelings.

“Don’t cry, you shouldn't be angry.” Children and teens need to know that both emotions are okay. We need to validate their feelings as well as offer healthy and appropriate ways to express those feelings.

“Your grief will pass.” Although, grief can get better in time, often times grief never fully goes away.

“Talking about your loved one upsets others.” This may or may not be true for some people but it is important for children and teens to know that it is okay to talk about their loved one and to share memories.

Grief is hard. We don’t always know what to say, but don’t underestimate your presence in a grieving child’s life. God is using you to be there, to listen and to comfort.