By What Authority

Because next Sunday is Palm Sunday, I have been reading again the passages in the Bible that record what happened between Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem, in triumph, at the beginning of the week, and the crucifixion and resurrection at the end of the week. I noticed one of the moments where temple leaders were trying to entrap Jesus with a question.

…the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders came to him. “By what authority are you doing these things?” they asked. “And who gave you authority to do this?” Mark 11:27b-28

They were not asking an honest question to try to understand how and why Jesus did what He did. I am wondering whether you have ever asked a similar question but from honest motives? Have you wondered and wished God would answer questions like these: Why is this happening to me? Why have you let this happen? Why haven’t you changed things? What do you think you are doing!? What am I supposed to do now? Underneath these is some version of the same question the chief priests asked: by what authority have you acted to interfere in my life like this?

We have a bit of an advantage over the priests, teachers and elders in this scene. We know how the week ended. Jesus died. Jesus lives again! He is Risen. That’s a fact. Jesus demonstrated that He has authority over Death since it couldn’t hold Him. But they didn’t know that yet.  

I was wondering about this when I noticed that Jesus really does not answer their questions. Instead He responds to them with a question that reveals their motives. While trying to entrap Jesus, they become entrapped. I don’t think your motives for asking your questions are suspect in any way. You believe you’d be better at this grief business if you just knew some answers. You honestly want to know more. But I wonder whether He plans to give you the answers you seek. Or will He also deal with you in such a way to help you know more about who you are as you stand before God or who He is in your life. He may be dealing with you to accomplish deeper things in your heart than a direct answer could accomplish. He has authority over Life and Death, and He wants to give you Life. Eternal, abundant Life.

Here is the rest of the passage that describes this scene:

Jesus replied, “I will ask you one question. Answer me, and I will tell you by what authority I am doing these things. John’s baptism—was it from heaven, or from men? Tell me!”

They discussed it among themselves and said, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will ask, ‘Then why didn’t you believe him?’ But if we say, ‘From men’…” (They feared the people, for everyone held that John really was a prophet.)

So they answered Jesus, “We don’t know.”

Jesus said, “Neither will I tell you by what authority I am doing these things.” Mark 11:29-33

I say: ask your questions freely. Examine your motives. Then ask good questions. And finally, accept God’s dealing with you. Accept when answers come. Accept when they don’t. Both conclusions are created by Him for your good. Either way, trust His authority. Trust that He uses His authority for Life and for good purposes.

Isaiah 40: Comfort for God’s People

Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she has received from the LORD’s hand double for all her sins. Isaiah 40: 1-2

These specific words were written at a specific time to a specific person to comfort a people in specific circumstances. Yet they are God’s words for eternity to His people, all His people. You and I are not in that other time or place, yet these words tell us about God and His interaction with His people, us.

Our God wants to comfort us. He speaks “tenderly.” Can you hear or feel His tender message of comfort? He knows how fragile you are, so He uses just the right gentle voice so you won’t be broken or alarmed into a panic reaction. He knows you need tenderness in your present circumstances.

He says your “hard service” has been completed. Yes, He knows it is very hard service, indeed, this grieving. It takes so much energy. It robs your attention from other responsibilities, so you can’t always carry all the responsibilities you used to carry. And it’s hard service to be faithful through the grief. This trying to grieve and “not sin” (Ephesians 4:26) is difficult. This grieving yet being “thankful in every circumstance” (I Thessalonians 5:18). This is a sacrifice and it’s a hard service to Him.

But He says it’s complete. Now, I’m not sure it is completed for each of you at this moment. But this verse does imply that there is an end eventually. That thought alone brings a little comfort – it won’t always be this bad!

The Word says “her sin has been paid for.” That’s a comfort. If you sometimes feel you did something wrong with or to your child, if you feel you failed to do something you should have done or wanted to do but hadn’t gotten around to it yet, your “sin has been paid for.” If you are feeling like you are not grieving like a good, believing Christian should, your “sin has been paid for.” If you said words to someone a couple days ago that you never would have said without the grief weighing on you, your “sin has been paid for.” If you are having trouble believing God is good, your “sin has been paid for.” If you can imagine any other offense that I haven’t mentioned here, your “sin has been paid for.” It does not need to be a burden to you any longer because your “sin has been paid for.”

This Word says you have received double for your sins. Now I’m not exactly sure what that means. But since the line above says your “sin has been paid for,” it can’t mean you’ll get a double dose of punishment for each of your sins. I think it means you’ll get a double dose of His grace, abundant grace, for each day’s challenges.

What a tender, forgiving, understanding Comforter we have access to. You are invited to “come boldly before the throne of grace to get help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Whatever your need is now, there is grace for it, and a tender Comforter.

Death – is the evidence that something is terribly wrong.

What brought death? As much as I hate to say it, God did. He imposed death as a sentence of punishment because of Adam’s disobedience. Have you ever thought about that? How serious was the offense that death was the proper sentence? God has laid down the principle of equal punishment for the crime – an eye for an eye, and no more. We are not to punish with a sentence of a 7 (on a scale of 1 to 10) for an infraction of a 2. God’s principle: the punishment should fit the crime. So disobedience to His directions is enough of an offense to qualify for death! In other words, sin is much more important to Him than I thought, and than it has been to me! I figure my behavior deserves a slap on the proverbial wrist. But evidently, I’m not seeing it from His perspective.

You know from first-hand experience how terrible death is. You know how profound it is to see the life in a person you care deeply about come to an end. Possibly, you have witnessed the last breath. You know the impenetrable gulf of separation that death makes between one who has died and those who survive the loss. Why would the God of creation think death, and the separation that implies, is the right treatment for his creatures who sin? Because the offense against the Lord and Creator is so great.* All disobedience calls His authority into question and that is sin. All sin seeks to diminish Him and His role in our lives. It is more than just disobeying a rule. It is really questioning His right to tell me what to do in any way. It is putting myself above the Lord God Almighty! And that can not be. So sin is punished by total and eternal separation from the Creator. We are made for fellowship with that very Creator-God. But, without outside help, we can never fulfill that destiny. Sin is sin and the sinner deserves to be removed from His presence permanently. Indeed, the sinner has indicated he wants to be out of His presence anyway. The Father is giving sinners what they want!

(*I have said it before but here it is again: I am not saying your child sinned therefore he died. I’m not saying there is a specific sin and so death is his sentence. NO. The general truth is that we all sin and we all die. It is specifically true that one man, Adam, sinned, therefore all die. There is another specific truth too: one completely righteous man, Jesus, died and God sees his sinlessness applying to all who come to Him to have their sin covered by His righteousness. But there is no one-to-one relationship between anything you or your child did that brought death as its punishment from God. See the story of the blind man in John 9.)

That’s why death exists – because sin deserves punishment. So I can never be where I’m supposed to be –with God-Creator. There is a profound loneliness in me because of this. I will never be what and where I was created for. But the same Creator, Punishment-pronouncer, also made a different thing. He made a way to reconcile the present separation with what should be –being together. God sent His Son to communicate what God is like and to take the punishment people deserve, so that creatures can be back where we belong.

Death is profoundly terrible. You have seen it. It’s a sign how profoundly terrible sin/disobedience is. I have done it. God has taken necessary steps to repair the brokenness created by sin and death, so I/we can fulfill the purpose for which we have been created – to be in His presence. It cost Him a lot – the life of His own Son. It cost me nothing, just to submit to His definitions of what sin is and what the solution is. I am reconciled to fulfill my original destiny. I am grateful.

Where’s the comfort in this message this week? It’s found in the fact that the Creator is also the Solution to the problem of Sin and Death. He entered in. He redeems all who submit to His definitions and accept His invitation to love. You can fulfill your original destiny to be with Him at His home which is heaven. In heaven there is a happy reunion for all who also believe these things.

Of Two Worlds

Rabbi Bunim taught:. We are each the joining of two worlds. We are fashioned from clay, but our spirit is the breath of Adonai. (from Tales of The Hasidim Later Masters, Martin Buber) You too are in two worlds. Fallen And resurrected, restored, heaven (Genesis 2:7; John 3:5-7, 16,17)

I came across this quote in someone’s letter of thanksgiving for events in their lives. It made me think….

We live in a fallen world. If you weren’t clearly aware of that before your child died, you surely are now! Nothing teaches more clearly that this world is not as it should be. We are all aware that “there is something wrong!” the first time anyone said your child might not make it, whether it was at the beginning of a long illness or at the first moment you entered the hospital after a call that there “has been an accident…”

We live in fallen world but we have an awareness of the restoration that will be in the resurrection. We’re aware that something could be better. That something should be better. We live one reality – fallenness. We hope and long for the other reality – the restored world as it should be.

Sometimes, while we’re living in the fallen reality, we expect the perfection of the restored reality, and are greatly disappointed. We live with dashed dreams. We live with physical, spiritual, or emotional pain. We live in a world that is broken, fallen and not as it could be. We imagine something so much better. That ability to image is an expression of an awareness of heaven that God has put in our hearts! (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Part of your grief is a reaction to this big picture: that our world is broken. The double reality causes tension, fear, sadness, confusion. In God’s perfect world, death does not exist - so your child would not have died. But we’re living in a fallen world and the death occurred. God is in the business of restoring all that’s broken. He is in the business of redeeming all that’s lost. He is working in your life to bring you healing, here in this world. He is working in your life so that in the end of all things, you will LIVE in his perfect world where you and the child are restored to each other. In that world, things are as they should be! The best you could imagine. And even better than that! Where there is no more death or mourning or pain. (Revelation 22:4)

The Grief Nerve

Last night, at our grief group, a woman said something in a way I’ve never heard it before. A scene in a movie “hit her grief nerve” so she cried and cried, not about the movie scene but about her own loss, decades ago. Recently her mother died, and in that context the scene in the movie brought back a grief from a miscarriage long ago. She was already a little fragile. And, in my opinion, one grief is connected to all past losses too. So she grieved anew. I’ve written about triggers bringing memories and grief at surprising times. We’ve called that being blindsided by grief. But this new way of expressing it – it “hit my grief nerve” – says it again, perfectly! Something here and now brings up old memories and feelings suddenly and sharply – like hitting the funny bone in your elbow. It’s shocking! The shock is almost electric and goes throughout the body. Likewise, the grief shock goes throughout your being. Unbidden, unexpected and unprepared for. But there it is, a shock, a memory, some (maybe many) tears.

The next time something hits your grief nerve, stay with those tears a few minutes. Grieve that grief. When you do this, the next time that memory or situation comes up, it will have less shocking power over you. By giving it some attention, you will take hold of the memory but diminish the sorrow in it. You’ll be gaining, little by little, some control over your grief. In addition to the loss, isn’t that one of the distressing things about grief – that you have so little control?

May the Lord also surprise you with sudden jolts of mercy, of grace, of someone’s helpful insight or word of kindness. May the Lord be there with you, in the shocking moment. Here is a message from God for you: ”The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8- Moses says this to Joshua before sending him into the land of the promise.) It's a promise for you too because it is rooted in the unchanging the character of God.

#23 a Psalm of David

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (NIV)

Let us let this be our Psalm for this new year. Let this be our guide and our goal. It describes who we go with and how He and I relate to one another. He’s the shepherd, care-giver, leader and guide. He provides for my needs and He comforts me. I’m the sheep, the follower, the scared and needy one.

It describes our starting point: fear and shadows. And it describes our goal and our ending point: green pastures, quiet waters, restoration. He describes the conditions in which we shall find ourselves at the end of this journey through the valley of grief: surrounded by abundant love in a banquet party just for us. He is Good. He has prepared for each of us to arrive. Even if we have enemies along the way, they can’t spoil the banquet when we are in the house of the Lord.

What enemies might we have? Your enemies are not soldiers, but you do face enemies during the journey through the grief valley. How about those who say unkind or ignorant things? They may not have information about normal grief. They may have unrealistic expectations. For example someone might have said to you: “aren’t you over that yet?” How about the little voice that keeps accusing you of wrong doing in the course of your child’s life? Guilt. Well, the enemy of our soul is the source of those accusations! How about the enemy called time? It takes longer than anyone who hasn’t done the journey imagines, to put life back together after the death of your child. How do you order your life without the one who died? There was so much he was the center of and so much he helped with. It all has changed!

This psalm is filled with promises but there is only one condition we have to meet. Just one, though you see it in 2 ways. We must follow the shepherd. We must dwell in the house of the Lord. This is the same thing in two different contexts. One is expressed in a process and the other is tied to a place. We are traveling in the first paragraph, so being with the Lord means following His leading. We have arrived at the banquet hall in the second paragraph, and being with Him means being at Home. All we have to do is choose to be with Him, wherever we are in the journey. Then He will lead, provide, protect and comfort. Then He will hold a banquet when we have arrived. That’s the goal – to arrive at the party He has planned for us!

Newness

It is a new year. You might be saying – oh, good, a new year. Do you hear the difference between that and Oh, Good! A New Year! There is a “yippee” after this second quote but not after the first. The first is said with a flat tone of voice. As a grieving parent, you might be speaking like the first quote. It is a new year. For many, there is pain just turning over the calendar to a new number for the year. It means this is a year in which your child has not lived. I’m sorry for that extra dose of pain for you. You have probably heard it said that you have to seek and establish a “new normal” for your life now that he or she has died.

I want to share a couple verses from Ezekiel about newness that I have been pondering: I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. Then you will live in the land I gave your ancestors; you will be my people, and I will be your God. (Ezekiel 36:24-28)

Our God wants to bless you and me with a new heart! He wants to cleanse us. Since none of us is perfect yet, I am not shy about saying you, and I for sure, need to be cleansed from all our sin and idols. I/we need a softer heart, not a stony one.

Now, I want to be clear about this: I DO NOT believe that your stony heart is what motivated God to take your child! NO. But since we’re not perfect yet, there is bound to be some hardness of heart that needs to be softened and can be softened here in the grief that you’re experiencing. It’s not BECAUSE of hardness of heart that you’re here, but SINCE you’re here, God has intentions to cleanse and give you a new heart.

God’s work in your life is much bigger than the calendar. He wants to transform you into someone who is more and more like Jesus. The reason for His work in your life is for His reputation.

It is not for your sake, people of Israel, that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name. (Ezekiel 36:22 partial)

I know, it’s not about us. It’s about Him. But I take that to be a greater guarantee that this thing He has planned will, in fact, be done. Since it’s about Him and He will do it.

So, my greeting to you at the beginning of a new year is: Happy New Heart in the new year. Blessings to you, in His grace.

Joseph's Point of View

Joseph was betrothed to a lovely godly young girl. Then he received some earthshaking news: she was found to be pregnant! Since Joseph “was faithful to the law,” he dutifully planned to “divorce” her – i.e. end the commitment to live the rest of their lives together. Thoughtfully, he “did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” But an angel came to him and told him what was happening, that it was all part of God’s plan. He was convinced to stay in the relationship with Mary. “Convinced” is a strong word, yet it does describe Joseph’s change of heart toward this whole situation. The baby was born, as the angel had told Joseph. They called his name Jesus, as the angel told them to do. “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (from Matthew 1:18-25)

This is Joseph’s side of the Christmas story. He was in love, stunned, disappointed and ashamed, decisive, committed to God’s rule of law but still careful to not cause undue pain for anyone else. Then he was met by God’s appointed messenger, the angel. After that, he obeyed what he knew even if he didn’t know everything he wanted to know. He obeyed what he did know – he kept Mary as his wife and he named the baby boy Jesus. “He did what the angel… had commanded.”

Dads, there are several parallels with your experience here. You loved your child and your wife too. You were stunned by some news about your child’s diagnosis or about an accident or about his unexpected death. You’ve probably been disappointed in … maybe many things or people, maybe God too. You may have tried to be a godly man, never wanting to cause undue pain, to be faithful to the people God has called you to, such as your wife and kids. For Joseph, there were things he didn’t really understand – the pregnancy? God’s purpose? Why him and Mary? Maybe for you too, there are things you don’t quite understand.

Joseph had a visit from an angel and trusted God. Then He did what he knew to do, obey what he’d been told. What about you? Most of you haven’t had an actual visit from an angel, but you do have something very important: the Word of God. Like the angel, it carries a message to you. It says God loves you, is present with you, helps you, has a plan for good for you in His kingdom. Can you trust God? He is worthy of trust, so trust Him. Do what you know now to do, whatever that is. Follow Him. You may not know the whole story, but you know enough to do what you’ve been instructed. Just a few of the general commands: trust, obey, be faithful to one wife, rejoice in all circumstances, consider trials gifts from God, pray without ceasing.

You don’t know the whole story or how all the pieces fit together, but you do know God loves you and loves your child. You do know God has a plan in motion to redeem His people and His purpose and that you fit into all that. You do know God promises to be present with you through the toughest places in life, like this one. Be encouraged to do what you know and have been commanded to do. It worked for Joseph. The same God is at work in your life too.

God Sent His Son

 But when the time arrived that was set by God the Father, God sent his Son, born among us of a woman, born under the conditions of the law so that he might redeem those of us who have been kidnapped by the law. Galatians 4:4-5 The Message

When we think of Christmas, we generally focus on the fact that God came. Jesus, the Son of God, was born. However the other side of this event is this: God Sent. Think about those words. They tell us there was a plan in God’s mind. They tell us God took initiative to activate the plan. They tell us that this sending created a distance between Father and Son. The Two, who had been eternally in each other’s presence, would be separated.

Did God the Father feel the separation and longing? I think so. Did God the Son feel it? I know so. You can see it whenever Jesus goes off to some lonely place to pray. He longs for the communion and intimacy He had with His Father in eternity before, and has again in eternity now. But during His time living on earth, the Son and the Father were living in totally different places. The Father was in heaven among angels, the Son was among men. They were separated by a very great distance.

Because of the death of your child, you know something about a separation of parent from child. You know there is great pain in this separation. Pain and longing and sadness. Would you choose this separation? I’ll venture to say your answer would be NO Thank You. But God the Father, voluntarily and for a purpose developed in His own mind, said YES. “Son,” He said, “Go,” because He wanted to accomplish what the rest of the verse says: to redeem those who were captured by sin and the law. That’s you and me, by the way.

God, the Father, sent His Son, away from their home and eternal fellowship, to go to earth, to be born as a baby. You know the earthly side of the story: Mary and Joseph in a barn, shepherds, angels, wise men, old people waiting in the temple. The heavenly side of this story is that God sent His Son away to a different place to live separately, to reveal God’s character and plan.

The Father was motivated to take this action so that right now, in your separation, you can believe there is hope. The hope is based on 2 things:

• the Father is familiar with the pain of separation
• the reunion we’ll experience in the redemption He accomplished. Because of the redemption in the verse, you as a sinner and your child as a sinner can be reunited in His presence.

Thanks be to God for the hope of the resurrection. That hope, which is yours now, was born on Christmas morning as the Father sent His Son for you.

Mary's Song

I reread most of the Christmas passages this week and was intrigued by some ideas in Mary’s magnificent song, her response when she saw Elizabeth for the first time after they both had seen angels and both were miraculously pregnant:

And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation. He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, just as he promised our ancestors.” Luke 1:46-55 NI

I see 3 thoughts that give comfort to us when we’re hurting.

1. God was “mindful” of Mary’s situation. I believe He is also mindful of yours. He is not up there somewhere looking off dreamily into the universe. He knows what is going on in your life and in your heart. He is mindful of the pain and sorrow of your grief. You are not alone wherever you are on your grief journey now. 2. He has scattered the proud (ie, those who thought they had their lives together, but now they have had to come to the end of themselves, like the rest of us); brought rulers down and lifted up the humble; filled the hungry and emptied the rich. In His coming kingdom, everything is upside down and inside out. So your pain, sorrow and grief will also be turned to joy and understanding and peace. I’m looking forward to those days when there is no more pain or grief! * 3. In the last line, these words appear: “as He promised.” Here is comfort too. He promised that He will be with us and not forsake us. So right now, you are not forsaken no matter how you might feel otherwise. He promised that He will make all things new. So your life will be remade by God’s grace into something full and rich and good.

God has promised that He is with us all the time everywhere. Not looking over our shoulders and judging, but being there so we have someone to lean on when things get tough. He says He will redeem our sorrows and make them into something good so we can rejoice. He keeps His promises. So we can rejoice through this season.

Read the Christmas Scriptures and look for little nuggets that give you hope in your present circumstances. They are there. Blessings in your reading. *Revelation 21:4

“Thy will be done”

What is His will? That we know Him. I know that knowing God better is not a good trade for the life of your child. Yet, it is the goal God has had from the beginning of time for you and for your child. It’s His agenda for us all.

“Thy will be done.” Jesus prayed it and so do we. In the Garden, before His crucifixion, Jesus begged God to revise His plan for history. Jesus urgently and passionately wrestled in prayer, sweating hard, that “this cup pass from me.” But the sweating and wrestling stopped and peace came over Him when He concluded He would yield to the Father’s will – “Thy will be done.” You can sense that peace in His determination and focus on the goal, in His humility throughout the pseudo-trial and mocking, because as far as He was concerned, the issue was settled. Thy will be done, period, end of story.

We pray it in the prayer Jesus taught us through His disciples. “Our Father… Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:9-10). In heaven it is done always, immediately and completely. Thinking about myself, I fall far short of doing His will so thoroughly. (Thankfully, His grace covers my sin even more thoroughly!)

What is His will that we are praying for? His will is that we know Him. His will is that we walk with Him, experience His mercy, grow to be more like Him and reflect His character.

“…have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;” Philippians 2:5-6

“He… predestined [us] to be conformed to the likeness of His Son.” Romans 8:29 That’s the end result God has planned for us.

Job became more like Him when he saw and understood more deeply because of his losses and grief. Job questioned deeply God’s plans, and then yielded to His will.

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you." Job 42:3-5

Your child died. It must have been God’s will since it happened. Your child has completed that goal already because she/he has seen Him and knows Him. But now, can you yield, and become more like Him through this valley of the shadow of death? This IS God’s will for you now. Allow Him to use this horrible event, your child’s death, to work in you so that you are more conformed to His likeness.

"Thy will be done."